More mass murder of the unworthy.
Al-Namrood & Darkestrah – Tajer Al Punqia Akyr Zaman (2016)
This is Disneyfied ethnic wannabe “blackened” Jawa core. This split has the logic and musical proficiency of an inbred Saudi royal spreading Salafist Islam, id est none. Kill ‘Em All.
Black Fucking Cancer – A Sigil of Burning Flesh (2016)
I hope Black Fucking Cancer get anal cancer from having a train run on their rectums every Saturday night. A Sigil of Burning Flesh is ultra-repetitive war metal, ahem bore metal. All of the riffs are rejected Diocletian b-sides. This is total shit; one of those really hard, black shits that’s hard to pass. I want to kill someone listening to this. Why God why? Oh I know why! You’re not fucking real! Fuck Cancer, Fuck Black Fucking Cancer, Fuck their mothers, fuck their fathers, fuck their unborn children, fuck them all. The selling point to this horrible release?
Sales Points:
- Product prominently stickered with selling points.
Black Fucking Cancer deserve to be sodomized in Saudi prison with a powered, fluorescent lightbulb by Al-Namrood.
Centinex – Doomsday Rituals (2016)
Half generic crusty Swedish death metal, half deathcore complete with gang vocals. Doomsday Rituals is riffless except for riffs that could’ve been on the latest Slayer with the Monty Python god in the corner. Centinex aren’t even as good as Verminous. Stop pretending to be death metal legends and finish bagging my groceries.
Crush Fetish – Og Det Er Derfor De Kaller Meg Stor Pikk (2016)
Playing comically incompetent, sludge core for mentally-disabled trailer trash with food all over their shirts, Crush Fetish are as metal as the Red Hot Chili Peppers taking laxatives for opioid-induced constipation.
Diamond Head – Diamond Head (2016)
Rehash yourself and mix it with grunge for a modern audience of idiot 22 year olds who think Nevermind, Superunknown, and Cowboys From Hell were classics up there with Hell Awaits, Melissa, and Killers. All the songs are way too long, repetitive verse chorus verse 90s radio hard rock songs with occasional heavy metal riffs. I want to kill myself. Where’s my cynanide capsule Eva? WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CYANIDE CAPSULE? FUCK YOU FRAULEIN! *Shoots Eva*
Forteresse – Thèmes pour la rébellion (2016)
Forteresse play the sort of lame, unmenacing “melodic” black metal riffs popularized by Enslaved and bands from Göteborg, Sweden. Forteresse try to add some blasting balls to it but fail miserably as they drag out the songs for five minutes too long, repeating themselves endlessly until they force you to turn off the album. All of the riffs and songs are indistinguishable so you’re not missing out on anything by turning this turd off. I want to watch porn instead of listening to this. Listening to Forteresse is the same as watching a really bad porno with tons of closeups of the dude’s pimply butt as he pounds some moaning bimbo in the same position from different camera angles for twenty minutes: You can’t jerk off to it unless you love stroking your penis to pimple-popping videos.
Monsterworks – Black Swan Annihilation (2016)
Opeth-based, roulette wheel metalcore. If you listen closely, you can hear them rip off bands such as Opeth, Metallica, Lykathea Aflame, everyone from the 70s, and Incubus. The 2000s MTV Incubus with the guyliner, not the trashy Christian beer metallers. Monsterworks are epileptics suited only for gigging at a Fuddrucker’s.
